bell hooks in Communion: The Female Search for Love
The “Sexual Revolution” was for- and created by men. As aforementioned it’s purpose was to delude women into thinking that by becoming readily available fuck-toys for males was “liberating”. A woman’s sexually “liberated” identity depended on how eager she was/is to fuck males and fulfill whatever fantasy the guy(s) might have. But should a woman ever get “uppity” and foolishly assume that sexual liberation is also about being able to say “no” to men’s sexual demands and fucked up, misogynistic sexual fantasies— or just “no” to sex for her own reasons— then she’ll be forced to face the ugly reality that the “Sexual Revolution” and male liberal/leftist support for “female sexual empowerment” had NOTHING to do with women asserting their sexual/bodily autonomy and defying the Heteropatriarchy, but everything to do with acquiescing the male sexual entitlement complex.
Reblogging again for morning crowd. & bc of its eternal relevance to my pet project, consent in the club, male entitlement, and the construction of self policing as boring and shuffling it off as the woman/dancer’s/my responsibility to police/indulge instead
Sex critical feminism ftw
Yes for sex critical
I still think this quote is so important because liberal feminism often emphasizes the fact that women can have sex without equally emphasizing on the fact that women do NOT have to have sex. That in fact sex has nothing to do with who you are as a woman and as a human being.
But this message that sex is the means to liberation supports patriarchy in a similar way to how forbidding women to be sexual does. And it’s disappointing how mainstream liberal feminism participates in this mis-truth at the expense of girls and women.
all women were bigger and stronger than you
and thought they were smarter
women were the ones who started wars
too many of your friends had been raped by women wielding giant dildos
and no K-Y Jelly
the state trooper
who pulled you over on the New Jersey Turnpike
was a woman
and carried a gun
the ability to menstruate
was the prerequisite for most high-paying jobs
your attractiveness to women depended
on the size of your penis
every time women saw you
they’d hoot and make jerking motions with their hands
women were always making jokes
about how ugly penises are
and how bad sperm tastes
you had to explain what’s wrong with your car
to big sweaty women with greasy hands
who stared at your crotch
in a garage where you are surrounded
by posters of naked men with hard-ons
men’s magazines featured cover photos
of 14-year-old boys
tucked into the front of their jeans
and articles like:
“How to tell if your wife is unfaithful”
“What your doctor won’t tell you about your prostate”
“The truth about impotence”
the doctor who examined your prostate
was a woman
and called you “Honey”
you had to inhale your boss’s stale cigar breath
as she insisted that sleeping with her
was part of the job
you couldn’t get away because
the company dress code required
you wear shoes
designed to keep you from running
And what if
after all that
women still wanted you
to love them.
Over 50% of the American population believes it should be illegal for women to keep their own name on marriage
ILLEGAL. Not just that you “should” change your name. But that it should be ILLEGAL for you not to do so.
“Innocent tradition” my ass. No social pressure my ass.
what the fuck
How to Prepare:
- Use a condom if you have penis in vagina intercourse 24 hours before your appointment.
- Schedule it so it’s NOT while you’re on your period.
- Do not use a douche 24 hours prior to your appointment. (Do not use a douche at all! Douches are counteractive to vaginal health. You have very good bacteria maintaining a “habitat” of sorts and keeping you healthy! You don’t want to flush them out.)
- Write down any concerns or questions to take along with you. Have the dates of your last period handy. (If in doubt or unknown then just estimate.)
- Don’t feel concerned about “how to shave” or trim your pubic hair. Remember, this person is a medical professional and they’ve seen it all. You do what you usually do. Shower. At most check your labia for excess smegma. But other than that, don’t fret over the appearance of your vulva or vagina.
Before the Exam:
- You will fill out a general medical chart. It will ask for your menarche as well as your contraceptive history. It’s okay if you’re not sure or if you have a “complicated” answer. Just fill it out as accurately as possible. The doctor will have this in hand when they meet you so you will be able to explain anything.
- You may have your blood pressure and heart/lungs checked (your vitals.) If you feel you may be pregnant or are pregnant they will want a urine test.
- You might be given a gown if your exam includes a breast examination. OR you will be given a paper sheet to cover yourself so you can undress from the waist down. (The doctor will give you a few minutes of privacy to do this. They usually knock before entering the room to alert you that they’re coming in.)
- Sometimes a gyno will give you a breast exam. It’s pretty boring. They press around your breast and armpit area while looking very medical and thoughtful. It’s all pretty anticlimactic and silly feeling.
- They will also talk about your chart/medical history and ask you a few questions about contraceptives, sexual history, reproductive history, and general health.
- For the actual internal exam and pap smear you will be asked to lay back on the medical chair and put your feet into “stirrups” which are just plastic stirrups (just like on a saddle) to rest your heels in. Your lap is kept covered. Sometimes a lamp is used for the doctor to see better. They will inspect your vulva (the outside area) first.
- Most doctors will verbally alert you to what they are doing before they do it. If you feel more comfy with them narrating everything happening then you should say so. They are there to serve you medically and most doctors want you feeling as comfortable as possible. (I, personally, always request that they talk about what they are going to do before and AS they do it.)
- Latex gloves will be used as well as a gel for lubrication and comfort.
- For the internal exam they will insert a finger into your vagina. They will generally sweep down your vulva from the vaginal opening before inserting their finger. Then they will insert their finger. They are checking your cervix. They will press down on your lower abdomen.
- For the pap smear they will use a speculum. It is inserted into the vagina and opened up to give a view of the vaginal walls and cervix.
- Then they will use a Q-Tip, small stick, or cervical brush (sometimes looks sorta like a soft, bushy mascara brush) to swab your vaginal walls and cervix and gather cells.
- You will discuss any concerns and/or questions.
- You will schedule your next exam. At the age of 18 you should have an exam yearly.
- If you are sexually active (even with a single partner in a monogamous relationship) you should have a yearly exam.
- Do not hesitate to bring up worries or concerns to your doctor.
- Always ask every question you have, even if you feel silly. It’s VERY important you feel comfortable doing this with your medical provider.
- Don’t feel shy about asking questions. This is what they are there for.
Remember that if you don’t feel okay with your gynecologist then you should switch to another. MANY General Providers (regular doctors) will do pap smears and yearly exams. Take advantage of this if your usual doctor is someone you feel comfy and happy with.
NEVER let a gyno patronize you or make you feel like your needs or questions are “stupid” or silly or out of line.
NEVER feel like asking a doctor to verbally communicate what is going to happen as it happens is ridiculous. This is YOUR body. Always say if something hurts or feels weird.
A pap smear will feel uncomfortable, probably. If you feel pain though, you should SAY SO. Never hesitate to tell your doctor that something hurts or is concerning.
Do not ever feel like you cannot ask a doctor or clinician to stop.
If you feel confused or unsure then ASK QUESTIONS. Remember: Embarrassing situations are okay. Patronizing behavior is not.
You want your doctor and their office to be understanding, empathetic, and caring.
Planned Parenthood is a wonderful place to start for Well Woman visits and they have a beautiful video that outlines how you’ll be taken care of and treated there.
“NEVER feel like asking a doctor to verbally communicate what is going to happen as it happens is ridiculous. This is YOUR body. Always say if something hurts or feels weird.”
That goes for ALL DOCTOR’S VISITS, ALWAYS. If you’re in the ER; if you’re in Critical Care; if you’re at your annual physical; if you’re dealing with a gynecologist. NEVER let a doctor act like you don’t have a right to be treated like a human being.
(BTW followers, this is a VERY good guide about annuals. If you haven’t gone to a gynecologist for your first annual yet, you really should! Once you turn 18 you should go every year just to get checked up, even if you’re not sexually active. It can be nerve-wracking, so if you have any questions about choosing a gynecologist, feel free to talk to me!)
Forgive me for not trusting adult men who “date” teenage girls. The conversation always assigns some kind of false agency to the girls: look how “sexual” the girl is, how “mature” she is. Girls’ “maturity” is the avenue that allows men continual access to their victims. The conversation should be about why older men are drawn to younger girls, not what girls supposedly do to bring this attraction onto themselves.